On Manopause

We were talking the other day about things that happened during a pandemic which will be come a part of every day life.  My wife seems quite keen on the whole 1.5m distance thing, she suggested we keep that going long after everyone has been vaccinated.   

I wondered whether we would still have to check into venues. Despite the obvious additional costs to businesses, it’s probably not an entirely bad thing to know who was in a particular place at a particular time, should it ever be necessary to find out.   

I was a bit of a fan of the COVID tracking app. Unpopular I know but then again, I was in favour of one-way traffic in the village and the bird sculpture in Byron. No wonder my wife wants to keep her distance.  

The issue with the tracking app of course was that I became aware that whoever was tracking me; ASIO, ATO, or JONO from Service NSW, they’d be judging me on where I went.  

Thankfully being a comedian, I spend a good period of time in pubs and restaurants performing, so at least it looked like I had a social life. Apart from that though, I’m very much get up, drive to work in the industrial estate and drive home again. I don’t take my phone on my beach walks or to the gym. Actually don’t take myself to the gym, but that’s another column altogether. So it wouldn’t look like I was getting outside at all.  

I was going to pubs, usually dodgy pubs on a Monday night and I was hanging around the industrial estate. I found myself walking the streets of Wategos and the shopping strips in Byron. I’d drive past golf courses and natural water holes. I’d hang about in dark alleyways in Lismore and visit exotic crystal shops in Mullumbimby.  

All the time holding my phone out in front of like some form of modern-day compass or divining rod. My arm hanging out the window of the car, phone pointed at the sun. All so that whoever was tracking me didn’t imagine for a second that my life was boring.  

Of course, as a result I became the subject of a Federal police investigation on shifty individuals and my wife requested a copy of my tracking report under Freedom of Information.  

Turns out buying chips for lunch was the least of my problems.

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